patchesoftheuniverse:

the problem with reading a good book is that you want to finish the book but you don’t want to finish the book

spookythug:

i want a friend with benefits (dental and medical insurance, 401k retirement plan, etc.)

wonderingaboutfandoms:

letyourjourneystart:

According to chemistry, alcohol IS a solution.

image

blue-author:

dutchster:

roachpatrol:

nentindo:

there’s a news headline generator that mixes words from real news headlines and they are fucking golden

these sound completely legit

WHY IS THE FUTURE

farrahtales:

If you don’t strategically eat your food so that the last bites to go in your mouth are the tastiest look at your choices

gallifrey-feels:

frosidon:

chalkandwater:

Sir David Attenborough demonstrates the accuracy of the Mozambique Spitting Cobra’s venom streams by wearing a chemically treated visor that makes the venom turn purple on contact.

From Life in Cold Blood

DAVID ATTENBOROUGH IS MORE HARDCORE THAN ANY DOCUMENTARIAN CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE. 

DID CARL SAGAN DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS SHIT? I THOUGHT NOT. BILL NYE? FUCK NO.

BEAR GRILLES IS A PIECE OF SHIT COMPARED TO THIS CARAMEL-VOICED ENGLISH BASTARD. 

SIR ATTENBOROUGH IS A BILLION YEARS OLD AND HE WILL NOT STOP. HE IS THE TERMINATOR OF NATURE DOCUMENTARIES. HE’S CLIMBED TO THE TOP OF THE HIGHEST JUNGLE TREE TO LOOK AT LILIES. HE’S SOARED IN THE SKY IN A GLIDER WITH VULTURES. HE CROSSED THE PACIFIC TO SEE WHALES. HE’S EVEN BEEN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE GODDAMN OCEAN TO TALK ABOUT THE SPOOKY-ASS SHIT THAT LIVES DOWN THERE.  KILIMANJARO?  BEEN THERE. NORTH POLE? BEEN THERE. SAHARA DESERT? BEEN THERE MULTIPLE TIMES. FUCKING VOLCANOES?  BEEN AND DONE.  FUCKING AUSTRALIA? ENTIRE SHOWS THERE. HE WILL NOT STOP. HE WILL NEVER STOP.  NOT UNTIL HIS SMOOTH-ASS FATHERLY VOICE AS TAUGHT US ALL ABOUT ALL THE NATURE FOREVER.

I like how Australia gets its own category

gaaraofsburbia:

james-p-sullivan:

HEY TUMBLR

DID YOU GUYS KNOW JENGA MADE A NEW VERSION OF THEIR GAME, BUT INSTEAD OF STRAIGHT BORING WOODEN ONES, ITS TETRIS PIECES

THATS RIGHT, ITS MOTHER FUCKING TETRIS JENGA

image

THE TWO OF THE MOST STRESSFUL GOD DAMNED GAMES WE PLAYED AS CHILDREN ROLLED INTO ONE

memeson420:

twerkingwhiteboy:

memeson420:

"u know that feel when no gf" no actually i dont because im a MANLY MAN who plays SEVERAL sports am i right my fellow sportsmen

name all seven sports

  1. ball throw
  2. ball catch
  3. ball run
  4. ball kick
  5. shoot ball
  6. dong touch
  7. memes

get fuckin wrecked

thewicked-eternity